"This ranks up there with the monkey with 3 asses," Dr. Harvey Chokzendics said in a written statement. Better known as the Idoo-Chokzendiks Genetic Research Proposal, the 457 page document was officially released to the press yesterday afternoon. Dr. Janis Idoo, Ph.D., added that such recent 'breakthroughs indicate significant progress in the field of genetic research'.
The report attempts to accomplish 2 goals; display significant progress and validate reasons why their research should continue to receive an undisclosed amount of governmental funding. According to the report, the last 4 years of research have yielded many evolved creatures, including a pair of aragnitans with 3 sets of buttox's each and a family of squirrels with a noticeable pair of testicles.
When aproached with the purposes of such outcomes, Idoo stated," Eventhough our results may seem fruitless, the fact that we can grow whole new bio-systems without damaging the hosts is a major step forward in the field of genetics, a step that could lead to possible cures to many different human and animal diseases".
In a statment from the office of Senator Malcum Goanad (D-Georgia), who is the current Head of the Research Grant Committee, it seems the governement is still unclear about the purpose or potential of these exparments.
"If the purpose of this regrowth prosess is to create human 'spare parts' for transplants, then Choksendiks-Idoo have a case for continued funding. However, it seems that all their exparaments have done is to fill a zoo full of deformed mutant critters."
President Gerige W. Bush, who has been following the case, has stated that such exparmenting 'proves that the United States' scientific community is still on the cutting edge of ideas' and that he hopes that they could do the same kind of 'stuff' in humans one day.
When asked if he would ever think of taking part in any human exparament(s), the President replied," I would, but I already have a Dick and Colon around to tell me what to do".
The Idoo-Choksendik Proposal goes before the Research Grant Committee next Wendsday.
"This ranks up there with the monkey with 3 asses,"
- Dr. Harvey Chokzendics